My exams are over but my thesis is not and atheists versus fanatics

So, I panicked a few weeks ago when I found out I had an F once because I decided to drop logic and thinking (why do you need to prove arguments using maths again?), and my lecturer told me that it could affect my honours. Hah! It doesn't thank God. Why does it matter? You know, like in the words of that guy Robert T. Kiyosaki, your accountant won't look at your school grades, bla3, but I think it takes a certain amount of gumption, tirelessness and hardwork to make a good business work.
Aside from that, I want to talk about my thesis, this will be my first time conducting fieldwork among the Kedayans of Bukit Panggal. Scared? Shit hell I am. I never realized to be the bottom of things and collecting all this data would hurt. Your effing nervous, you meet new people and you need to turn on your charms. This is what I realized, if all of those people who are gathering all this data that I have been using for my research all this time and to supplement my arguments in this blog and I think, well, that is difficult, and how do you do that? I've been reading and re-reading about the Penan till my eyes hurt (its just a part of my essay work), and honestly, if I was to live in the frickin jungle interior for a year or two I'd go mad, or maybe not if there was a hot guy involved (trust me, when it comes to the basic drive, anything will work, and I will work harder mind you, I got straight As when I was a kid because I liked this guy in my class so I went to school often). So that jumps me down to Malinowski and his psychological functionalism, I cannot help but think that he is smarter than Radcliffe-Brown, his contemporary and rival. Why? As much as it hurts to admit this, everyone is fricking selfish, everyone will sacrifice their needs only if that sacrifice will bring some sort of benefit in the end. People are good because they believe there's a heaven, they know they will be rewarded, if people didn't believe in heaven, and I hope some atheist could supplant me with this because I need to know some data, would anyone bother to be kind? And I'm not even talking about the run of the mill atheist with good morals, because that shows that they believe in 'something' be that it may metaphysical or abstract. I'm talking about hard core atheists who believe in nothing, not even one fucking iota, but I suppose and ironically also, :) corresponds directly to extreme religious fanatics, doesn't it? I'm showing you my thought process, people are not kind because they believe in something, people are not kind because they don't believe in anything (most often these people are just mean to themselves if I'm not mistaken...) . Well go figure, we're back on square one. The point being, society is made up of individuals who want to reach their goals, or desires, I'm not even going to say basic needs, but I do suppose that the dance of sex and life is as old as time itself. Something, the woman who is badly treated by her partner wants something in the end, Revenge? I'm trying to prove my hypothesis here...there must be something she wants and this cannot be said to be a basic desire. I mean I know some dumb frick psychologists of the ancient whatnots have claimed women to be masochistic and sadistic. Survival? Wtf? Society and its trappings? The truth is also, I have to add another dimension here, an abused woman won't be able to think outside of the box as to why she's not leaving an abusive partner, she just allows it to happen. Hmm, interesting, I'll get back to you people when I have the answer. Oh btw, one guy once told me, there's no answer to anything, that everything is just IS, well that is one dumb motherfucker I can tell you that. And please3, read Reza Aslan's No God But God, it's pretty good aside from all the dumb Islamic publications that I have read that are too sexist, too racist, too prejudiced.

The world is a-changing and I'm right in the middle of it

Hell, gone were the days when the words hell and damn were considered rude (lol) but that doesn't mean gone are the days when people are fighting so hard and trying so damn much to put it right back to its place. Right now I'm sitting in a country where its neighbours issued a fatwa to ban against yoga (hahahahaha how intelligent can you be? Issuing a fatwa like that when there are about 2 billion Moslems who are frickin broke and need your help? Wow great blinder there!) As is with most political systems it is obvious that the whole course behind such said actions are ofcourse Malaysia's fear for UMNOs potency. UMNO has lost its potency and it needs Viagra (read PAS and the fatwa issuers) to maintain ahigh rate of votes. Just as Obama and McCain fought in the swing territories over the most orthodox Christians of the South the Malaysians are doing the same tactic as Bush, win em over with religion. Having to depend on a large vote from Sabah and Sarawak to win the recent elections it doesn't come to much surprise that it needs to boost sales in the Malay Muslim department. Tomboys? Cut hair and pants? I'm a mother of three, I'm 23 years old and I married early (I'm such a frickin slut but who doesn't love fucking?) I have never had long hair, why? It makes me look fat besides my husband liked me because of my short hair. I like to wear pants, but sometimes I like to wear skirts, I like lesbian porn, does that count? But in reality I turn my head around if there's a guy I think is hot I don't turn around if there's a hot woman I'd probably have a tendency to stab her face over envy. therefore, the argument does not hold. Besides, haven't all of us Muslims ever learned from history at all? Fatwas change and they change over time, over different spaces and over different regions, to fit any political agenda that they needed to justify. The Muftis know this more than anyone else (if not why send them to Al-Azhar?) They're committed to know this fact and they come back to shove it with power. What comes with the fatwa? Money. Prestige. And all that jazz. They don't do it for God (hahahahahahaha!) they don't do it for women. They do it for themselves to enlarge the pool of sexual must-haves, and money and political prestige and blablabla. Its as simple as that, people never ask why such and such is being said. But problems occur and people would want to know why, such said Muslims for example never ask why such and such women prefer women than men look at the demographics a high percentage of divorce, a low percentage of rights, yadda yadda yadda. Who in their right mind would want a position within the social structure so subservient? Interpretations have been challenged, women have education (one of the reasons why the Taliban won't allow women to go to school, I suppose if they're right then Muhammad the prophet must be lying about everyone should get an education) and with education comes power. And that is what is feared by the said Islamic sections (not all mind you), they go about and declare everyone irreligious and apostate as they like as if they alone own religion as if they alone control the voice of God, and they alone can interpret the words of the Lord. Doesn't this sound familiar? It has passed for the Christians, only the priests had had access to the Lord, to forgive to live, to be religious. And the reason why they hated Muslims was because Islam cut out the middleman so that every person could reach God (protestants did the same thing) and over time the strength of the Islamic church grows stronger and stronger. What we need is some sort of Protestant Islam, we need to cut out the middle man, but it would take too much time, too much bloodshed. And I wonder why, why is this all necessary, to fight for ones faith over God? Shouldn't God be a private matter? After all doesn't one die alone? My answer is yes, you do - die alone.

McCain vs. Obama - again 'why the fuck does McCain scare me'

Here ---> http://www.alternet.org/election08/103387/the_10_biggest_differences_between_obama_and_mccain_that_will_affect_your_daily_life/?page=1

I don't and won't understand at all if the Americans do decide to vote for McCain and label Obama with very flimsy excuses such as 'Muslim' (what's wrong with that I thought America was a liberal country :P), Black (woohoo, often on forums I see, 'I'm not being racist or anything but he's a liar) a liar of what exactly? And McCain is an honest person? HAHAHAHHAHA He sounds like the candidate from Hell, I've said it once and I'll say it again, if McCain becomes America's next president (I don't think this is impossible, oddly the Thais can outseat their Prime Minister with a bloodless coup but Americans don't do that do they? So smart rite? In addition, Bush did it come on it'll happen again!). I'm being pessimistic and sad about this actually I could cry because true enough if McCain is president its the end of America as anyone knows it.

Out with the old in with the new

Reading around reading around and I felt a snagging push towards being extremely angry at something, I don't remember what that something was but it definitely had something to do with my idiot husband (I know, I know you think I'm an idiot too, jeez). Oh yes, he said that feminists want to control everything. (HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA this coming from the sex that's full of crap and controls almost all of the world and has done nothing but evil) I think what he meant was, stop criticizing my sex, we know we're stupid. I'm glad.

The Does and Don'ts between pornography and feminism

I spent a hours reading articles from this feministlawprofs.law.sc.edu, this www.avclub.com, and a blog called feministing.
You guys should check it out I read it from end to end.
Now aside from all this I was reading on the dancing dance (hahaha) between feminism and pornography, as is the fact feminists are so divided about this, one article (just google feminism and pornography and one with the author being wendy mcelroy) I deemed really interesting. Pornography has always been the issue that it objectifies women as being sexual objects (McElroy argues that this is subjective, why not? she asks, good question) and I thought about it, patriarchy always deemed women as being lower, yes, and on the other hand they demand that the women that they 'own' should be demure and ofcourse according to Hindu law the concern is largely to protect caste purity and therefore cross caste marriage (note: marriage not extramarital r'ships haa) is frowned upon between a man of higher caste and a woman of lower caste and one hundred percent unforgivable for a woman of higher caste and a man of lower caste (cf. Andre Beteille). And from my own experience with men they all say this : (this is quite common for Muslim men but I think the virus is bigger than that ;) - thus applies to a LOT of men) there are two types of women - women you fuck and women you marry. The ones that are married are kept sacred and pure (to avoid him from having to care for another man's child as well as to keep property strictly within his own family sphere, this is a good example to link patriarchy and capitalism btw). Now, if ALL women were to deign pornography as acceptable and participate in it, I wonder whether this is sexually liberating or not? In my head I thought that if this was possible then the cards would all be on women's tables. No longer are there women available for so-called purity and subservience, because definitely the women that men can fuck, are always deemed to be OUT OF THEIR CONTROL and therefore out of their jurisdiction, no longer will they be docile animals under the care of the all heavenly father/husband/brother/boyfriend/lover/friend. Note the irony of the argument above, the one that says to avoid him and to keep property within his own sphere, doesn't the idiot realize that his pumping activities may well spread a gallon more of his so-called seeds to twenty different women each producing more children there would be more distribution of his so-called property, I don't understand why they're so frigging stupid, sons loyalties are towards their mothers and the families of their mothers, up to a point they will comply with their patrilineage but sooner or later after the death of the fathers allegiances change (cf. The Lugbara of Uganda). :)

The trick is in the eyes

The ugly ones are REAL women and the beautiful ones are the LADYBOYS

I was scourging for bodyshapers, don't ask me why I thought it might help me with my thrice operated mommy tummy. I felt sorry for myself I thought but what we women don't realize is the fact that there are billions of women surrounding us who are just like us, who have the same problems no matter how fat or how thin they are, they will never ever become as beautiful as Thailand's ladyboys. I think at that point you could understand how powerful it is to become a lesbian woman, but sadly this is not the case for non-politically correct NY, USA depictions of lesbian harmony. You still have to contend with the fact about butch women + femme = regular heterosexual couple (for this we have to refer to even Asian levels of social roles and its expectations etc etc.), what women do NEED is a great sense of humour. I have heard all the stories of men being extremely prejudiced and sexist against women, they're stories that are like staple food for women. Sure sure Ive had people telling me I shouldn't focus much on labels, labels mean nothing and I'm sure they're right because I believe so too sometimes, it could be our conditioning of reality that we perceive the way we want to perceive it (or the things that they taught us to want). what's sad was the fact that women feel so alone, so unwanted while men? I don't know some people say they should be pitied more because they are socially conditioned to believe that they do not need support? Not feel wanted? What pushes us women to WANT to be wanted and loved anyway in the first place? Look, my point is men look better than women when they're women they look better than women, I vote for us women to make our own country and tell the fuckers to fuck off ( :) ) and if they want to fuck fuck each other, that's what men are made for ;)

The consequences of the lower position of women in Islam

Here is a question and I have been stressing this repeatedly for a long time now. In orthodox Islam, the position of a woman is considered less valuable than that of a man, religiously and economically. What happens then when Muslims lower the bar on their women that women become a little more better than animals? (as quoted by Imam Al-Ghazali).

I've been ruminating it for awhile and I realized that Islam is pretty difficult to conjoin with different modes of society to function economically and socially. For example, in orthodox Islam women are not even allowed to go out of their homes without the permission of their husbands or to work for it is Makruh ( Not encouraged for Mazhab Syafiee, but I have heard that it becomes Haram (or forbidden) for certain Mazhabs, I need to research more on this). Now what happens when this happens in an agrarian society. As many of you are aware, at the moment there IS a food shortage and ofcourse in addition a labour shortage that can be supplemented by women's work in the fields, now how do you amalgamate these two beliefs? Secondly, the fact that Islam is an urban based religion hinders any society that lives in the jungle like the Orang Asli (or natives). Previously, it is thought that living in urban centres was better than living in rural or forested areas for Muslims but what many Muslims ignore is the protection of the ecosystem and there has been some recent studies made that the natives or the Orang Asli, CONSERVES the ecosystem through their way of life, therefore if all of humanity actually refuses to live in the jungle all knowledge of ecosystems will be LOST. As you all know, the Orang Asli cannot live in the jungles wearing habits or headscarves, they aren't able to wear thick clothes to cover all parts of their body, if they do so, they might die and become dehumidifed, there has been some reconciliations on the part in Islam whereby it is stated that man is free from the call to prayers (religion?) when they are not within the compounds of society.

The lowly economic position of women coupled with orthodoxy that disables them from fully functioning as people has its deep embedded consequences much as many people refuse to acknowledge. Women's work has become limited and poverty is lauded only towards women and women's work. Say as I have cited above in modern contemporary times, a woman is not allowed to work. Say she has three children and her husband has left her for another woman, she is divorced and not paid alimony or child custody (therefore in the part of the husband he is sinning but rarely is this punished, it is only the women who are punished, often by women themselves) how will she survive and keep her religious orthodoxy intact?

The next problem is the value of women, now she is stripped of ANY economic benefits, now this becomes similar to a Hindu problem. She is economically dependent and becomes a burden especially in terms of dowry (which at least as property bought and paid for by the husband she retains a small amount of economic standing), this burden usually results in undercare for female children, leaving female kids a lesser amount to eat (cf; Girl Child in India). And thus, for developing third world countries which view women as lower in economic status it becomes like India and China, female foetuses are aborted. Although this has not been the case in the Middle East, but it has been in Pakistan and to a lesser degree Afghanistan (often the foetuses are buried alive).

(To a larger extent, China and India exhibit a higher degree of male preference within their religion and social construct that female children are worst off treated, and both these societies strictly forbid the betterment of social status for women, it doesn't exist only within Islamic orthodoxy.)

when i see you

WHEN I see you
My blood rushes from my heart to my loins
that THUMP THUMP makes me feel like i'm in Love
I want it to burn me and my loins
forever me forever you forever love

WHEN I see you
You! grab me between my legs
It drips drips drips crying and crying
Every woman wants You and begs
can't you see me babe? it feels like im dying

when I see YOU
Oh my heart between my breasts
it sighs and wanes and rises
it seems there is no rest or for the best
truth is the others end up as lices

YOU don't see me
I've been hatching spells on YOU
Maybe one day I'm not sure
I hope you'll like me so...
I'll see you around

The race for the next P.U.S.A (President of USA)

I was reading Times and Newsweek, littered this June for the upcoming race between Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barrack Obama. Once (McCain) seemed like the presidential candidate from H.E.L.L. The thing about politics is that he makes it sound so nice, so innocent so gullible that many people actually overlook his 'evil'. One of the writers mentioned something about why Iran themselves would wish someone like McCain to be the next PUSA, he seems evil, he sounds evil, hell, he even looks evil (think Nixon, Bush, Reagan, Clinton - don't they seem evil to you? You can say the same thing about Lenin, Stalin and Hitler too! Republicans on the general though do have the tendency to look evil... like Skeletor) Why? Well then the Iranians could go on bombing themselves out of frustrations, look! points the mullahs (who also look evil btw) evil PUSA! bomb yourselves! If Barrack wins, a PUSA who listens, understands, no drama here, quietly sit on the table negotiate, talk, resolve problems (although I also read that Barrack won't negotiate but nevertheless, he has the image of negotiable), the Iranians could start looking at themselves and realize the deep shit that they are in, so does Afghanistan, Iraq and Palestine who are all on the same boat (problems problems, drama drama). I notice one thing that was a common thread for the USA and these areas in the middle east (drop in Lebanon and Syria in there too!), the constant need for drama. I mean look at the youtube presidential race ads, they sound like the BurgerKing versus McDonalds ads - DRAMA! I knwo something about drama, my family itself is riddled with the constant need for drama, I am left bewildered and thinking- probably realizing. Do these people actually believe what they are saying when they say all those horrible things that they believe in? Why do they constantly have an addiction towards ethnocentrism and whats the other phrase? Holier than Thou attitude.
High horse, higher horse.
I'll tell you something about the Muslim attitude, from an ethnographic perspective, there is a division of understanding between the middle class attitude (take this in I said middle class attitude and education - middle class is aplenty in Brunei but this doesn't necessarily coincide with better education - ref. Americanos) and that of the regular attitude. Just as the American politicians scare the Born Again Christian Americans the equal amount can be seen, not through regular Islamic state controlled education but rather the vernacular common belief people say. Take the late Saddam Hussein, sure he was a Muslim, but he gassed Kurds, killed Sunnis aplenty and altogether not a nice guy, but because of the label, 'Muslim' other Muslims think of him as some sort of a 'hero' for standing up to the big man of PUSA (on the contrary, SH has received support from PUSA before George Bush Sr. got pissed at him for using his arms elsewhere rather than exclusively gassing Kurds and Sunnis (hahaha this is so funny!) The same can be said about the rest of the so-called Muslim leaders who always always automatically label you as 'murtad' or excommunicated for realizing 'hey, this doesn't sound islamic-ish...why ah?'. Their role as religious leaders + secular politicians = complete control of power because they control the realm of the spiritual guidance as well as the realm outside of religion. E-mails are sent left and right thinking that this is the right thing to do, the right thing to say (photos of Palestinians who are maimed and murdered - mind you, Palestinians are Muslims, Christian AND Jews, the same goes for the Israelis, this is not a religious struggle as many Muslims would say but rather a political struggle, who gets the most gets the more power). Sure, the Palestinians need to be protected but they also need the equal awareness that this is a political struggle, not a religious one. Leave religion out of this, isn't it enough that you have it spiritually? Must you maim murder others for religion even children? There you go the Holier than Thou attitude, thinking already they have one foot in Paradiso.

Drama drama. Could it possibly be because there's too many dramas on TV that people are acting as the dramas themselves? It's like stereotyping from hell, the crazy PUSA, the mullah driven only for his own interests, the less educated mindset following like robots?

Aside from that and personally, I would like Sen. Barrack Obama to win, why? Because he will be the most good looking PUSA America has ever had.

Capitalism, you break my heart

As is with the hundreds of activists and environmentalists who have called upon repeatedly with the questions we have raised then come along also with it the other hand that pulls it. I will repeat a question that comes again and again and repeatedly unquestioned. Or probably I am not looking for an answer but rather a statement. Why? Why is free trade ok for higher levels of capitalism and NOT ok for the lower ones? I suppose it becomes necessary for companies such as Glaxo-SmithKline, to name a few, the BodyShop, L'Oreal and the rest with their army of legal jargonists and definitely not for the other arm of small-time business men and women trying to scrape a living. Take piracy for example, sure of course small time piracy have caused problems, who does not know the consequences of untraceable companies who produce fake baby formula that have killed babies, cosmetics that contain mercury such as in places like Africa and China but we do not see the other side of it. There are lawsuits against companies such as PhillipMorris (tobacco) and McDonalds that have made it through, and yet both these companies are soaring higher than ever. Many upper end brands, trusted have also failed to comply to set standards and not only that they have provided also, times when they have made mistakes. Brands that you trust too much? Ofcourse. I am sitting here using a Hewlett-Packard PC with their largest screen and sipping British/Malaysian Ribena for my so-called cold. Cases have arisen and there is a scramble for patents and products just as there has been a scramble for colonial lands not to long ago. The difference is no everyone can have it, the other end is majority of those who benefit are still WHITE. I'm not a racist, I am stating a pure fact, despite the freedom and 'goodness' of capitalism pockets of poverty excepting Eastern Europe exist in as Bush has called 'the African nation' (hahaha!)
Then there's the question of internet piracy. Why hasn't upper end movie companies EVER made the leap into allowing the SALE of their movies through TORRENTS for a few dollars or cents? Why haven't they sold their DVDS for less like many of the piraters are apt to do? It's simple and it's easy, they want to get rich QUICK. Here's a newsflash, you compete with the piraters instead of spending billions of dollars catching them with the arm of the law, using the law for your own benefit and ruining a host of people's lives? Sure, we're poor its easy for you to throw us into jail while you sit in your lovely home like The Sims2, make it as posh as you can. Then you waste taxpayers money for jailing them use them for bonded labour and like cotton slaves, you have new LEGAL cotton slaves. You with your billions of starbucks that you can find in each radius with your delicious coffee that costs an arm and a leg while your workers work for only less than a thousand dollars a month. Enjoy, I pray and pray that your death will be long and painful. Probably that's why I still believe in God, hoping even Nietszche couldn't blame me for that, that to remain sane I need to know that justice can be served, not only for rich people.