Stay at home mothers - I salute

Given that in the West ideas of motherhood are relatively different than here in the East (I have a full-time nanny, and a housemaid, also full-time)I'd like to expound on my own academic thesis concerning the family process. In the West especially among middle-class white families, to live in the same house as their parents is unheard of, here in the East I stay with my large family in a relatively middle class environment, my parents are divorced and the people living in my house is my three kids, my husband, my father, my three siblings, my cousin and my maids. It's pretty noisy, sometimes there are moments of privacy of course but something that is quite different than that in the West's conception of the home and the house.

Now returning on the problems of the stay at home mothers, there are quite a few in my society, not many because women usually work outside the house and they have a barrage of nannies and maids to keep the house running full-time. the extended family is not something to be frowned upon, people save a lot of money staying in one house with large spaces (each of us have our own bedrooms except for smaller children, parents usually sleep with smaller children, sex is when you kick them out of the bedroom and lock the door at any other times they wish, night, afternoon, morning). Now things here are very easy compared to the West, there is no frowning if a large family stays in one large house, it's not unheard of, it's welcoming to older parents who wish to be close to their children and their children's families. I've even heard of cases whereby until the parents feel that they wish to move out because of familial reasons (fighting between siblings, extreme lack of space and privacy for instance) and they eventually do - or they don't. Ever. Pooling resources between siblings to buy large tracts of land and build their houses next door to each other (I've seen a whole block of terraces/ semi-detached houses owned by one large extended family too).

The stay at home mother, a phenomenon I do not disagree with especially in some cases done by wealthier women with a secure financial background at times by working class families who do not have the resources to afford nannies or maids. Now the idea of the stay at home mother is an anathema of Asian culture. when women imply they are stay at home mothers or suri-rumahtangga the idea should not be misconstrued in westernized terms, that they do not contribute financially or physically to the well-being of the occupants of a house. Women that I have met who do claim themselves as 'housewives' (such a degenerative term) had their own businesses, worked in the fields or grew crops for sale or house consumption. How does this make the 'suri-rumahtangga' unviable? This is ridiculous. Women do not stay at home, families are interdependent and children are raised together by whole villages at times, by siblings and the relationship between parent and child although something of a 'bond' idea etched by hallmark is something equally fluid in Southeast Asian societies. Sure, a sibling may raise a sister's child if the sister does not have enough resources and the other sister (or relative) do not have any children. The children's loyalties lie with those who raised them not to those who are their biological parents.

So what is this 'stay at home mothers are looked down upon' idea? Sure there has been some stand-offs between Asian/Black feminists versus Western/White feminists. But this is not a culture than can be easily translated - patriarchal. The words and the arguments of patriarchy are the same and yet women enjoy more freedom in terms of who they are than they do in material/sexual culture of the West. Even in Egypt where the stay at home mother is under the thumb of the oppressive patriarchy there are ways in which these women negotiate their existence, the same can be said in extremely patriarchal Indian or Chinese culture. It's simple, sons loyalties plus money go to mother. Not a single cent goes to the father. When the father stops becoming financially viable it is the mother that holds the reins of the houses' finances. To add to this there were also numerous studies concerning Malay culture whereby the wife and the mother holds the husband's purse, leaving him some money for spending on their comforts such as cigarettes or coffee shop trips. And honestly, I too hold my husband's money and when he needs some money he just asks me.

To put it into some perspective concerning highly patriarchal 'Islamic' societies read Fatima Mernissi, that should put some kick in the schlong.

Ma Jian's 'The Noodle Maker' and Antonia Fraser's 'Marie Antoinette - The Journey'

I found Ma Jian's The Noodle Maker in the bargain section of Booker for $8.50 (I'm not surprised since I found an early Pramoedya Ananta Toer book there too) And I bought another book by a guy called Bolano (nyo on the n, I don't know how to find spanish letters here) but I haven't gone past a few pages. here's what I have to say about Ma Jian.

I found out that it was written after the Tiananmen Massacre and things are on the brink of change in China as new reforms and attempts towards modernisation are being made. I'm not sure but reading too much feminist blogs have provided me a better insight as to how women and womanhood are perceived towards literature shedding a good light on what is wrong with 'presumptuous culture' (a phrase I think I would like to coin myself).

An excerpt from page 52 of a character called Su Yun.

"They invaded every part of me", she wrote, 'They wanted my chastity, but they didn't respect it. I wanted their love, but they just pulled out their dicks and squirted their sperm over me. They destroyed all my dreams. where can I hope to find love now?...Just because they have stolen my innocence from me, does that mean I must lay myself bare and expose every part of myself to them? Men are no better than dogs. They believe that when they lift their legs to piss, the ground beneath them becomes their territory. If I don't conceal my true nature, how can I satisfy their desire for feminine restraint and refinement?"

And another pg.64

"...what do women matter? they just want a man to lean on, they don't mind who he is. Only friends care about a man's quality. Women are products of their environment. They want to pity the unfortunate and sponge off the rich."


It seemed to me at some point that female characters were sort of two dimensional while male characters were hahaha three dimensional figures capable of feeling and logic at a balanced pose whereas women were driven by their emotional state altogether. Sound familiar? Dumb much?

the proverbial wise male and driven woman is throughout this novel. Although I have to admit that at some point it did provided an insight that well, men are sort of trash but the conversations between the blood donor and the state writer even though both were what in modern standards we could define as 'losers' seem to demean womanhood and women even further under the guise of dark comedy, intellect and wisdom. Seriously?


The other book was about Marie Antoinette, although it did shed much light on her maltreatment by the 'Reign of Terror' by the likes of the Girondins and those guys Marat and Robespierre and the animal mob of Paris and Versailles it did not hint the actual suffering of the people compared to the court. Yes, she was a good royal figure, a symbol or emblem of sovereignty but it seemed to make light of the actual suffering going through by regular people. Well her suffering is nothing short of the shit that went throughout France during that time. Yes, she was a scapegoat but for all the good things she has experienced the common french people had absolutely nothing, what she didn't realize is the extreme feelings that went on among the people in their poverty that made them act like they did. It is a bit royalist propaganda in my head for all its majesty. It was not a bad read, it was allright. The court of Versailles and the Royals were all animals it seemed. Spending without a thought and leaving the people extremely destitute and poor. It didn't even mention the horrors of 'seigneuralism'. Although it had made some valid points, revolution at times rarely helped for the good of the people (except in the case of Thailand's great bloodless revolutions) but I wonder if death and destitution is the answer for change? Surely there are better examples? the French Revolution of course, on the other hand should be a must read for everyone and anyone who has half a brain.

"

Evil Slutopia - I like!

SO I found a hidden gem of a blog allright - its at http://evilslutopia.com/ - read and weep bitches! Another site I think people should read is this http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/ . So the lady at Evil Slutopia had taught her daughter to become a feminist, congratulations to her, I hope I can aspire that my own daughter can become like that too. The other problem is that some male idiots just can't SEE that young girls as young as 9 should be taught to SEE that there exists and lurks EVIL in the form of MEN. That MEN are EVIL (not all...MOST).

He thinks that the child is looking at skewed eyes, with a world where women are worshipped for their beauty and NEVER for their brains, where SEXISM is ABOUND AND where young MALE and FEMALE children are being kidnapped, raped, molested and murdered as young as an infant, what kind of an idiot mother would not show her child the HORROR of this world? To PROTECT them. Ridiculous, if you're not a mother just SHUT THE FUCK UP lah

I wish we don't have to wear high-heels

I absolutely detest high heels.

Give it five minutes and walk, they're painful they ruin everything and they're effing scary when you're walking down or up steep stairs imagine falling on your head, breaking your front teeth, etc. I made my husband wear a pair I have that's only an inch high, apparently quite short for women's standards, I made him stand on it for only a minute and try walking. He said these things are unstable and dangerous. I agree.

And yet, high heels are like so a must for porn, either men actually like seeing women in pain to see power OR they're engendered to see women in such a light.

Then I'm thinking about fashion, sure fashion can be pretty empowering for women in the upper echelons, i.e. Anna Wintour, but they're very oppressive as you run down to the bottom.

In short, NO MORE HIGH HEELS!

p/s the red shoes is actually a sculpture but that's the closest picture I could find that was similar to a porn actress. Other than that try watching free porn on xvideos.com, LOL.

Meet The Natives

Although this show was made in 2007 it was only recently that it came to Discovery Asia, it plays on Sundays at 11pm due to the 'nudity' that Asians extremely despise (???). Anyway, despite the hullaballoo of criticism I would have to admit that it had generated more positive comments and criticisms that it did not. Other than that you could watch it on youtube and subscribe to the uploader, one of the guys who actually went to the trip, his username is VanuatuVeritas. I have to admit that the show was very good, very enlightening, very kind, I suppose some editing has been done to cut off chunks of the show as they never showed the process of translation as the chief said things to the people so we don't know although at some point it was translated literally to the English middle class farmers that they considered Prince Phillip as the son of God. This runs on the same theme with another show on Discovery about displacing western families in very localized situations but on the reverse. I was glad about the chiefs' reaction to the pig farming and the insensitivity of artificial insemination disregarding the sexual pleasure of animals (I wonder if PETA thought of that hmm?). Much as the Wests' disgust of so-called 'natives' eating dogs so too the Vanuatu people's disgust of artificial insemination. A very very good show, hopefully somebody watches it lol.

Sita sings the Blues

I watched this film the other day - Sita sings the Blues, sung by Annette Hanshaw and produced by Creative Commons, drawn by NINA PALEY. And the best part is - you're free to pirate it!!! Yes, you are, and not just that, you can remix the music, as she said, the culture belongs to us all. Of all independent cartoon films I've watched, this takes the top prize. I did love Dreaming Awake, or was it Awake? It was about a boy who gets into some sort psychotic dreams meeting philosophy professors and celebrities explaining to him about how we perceive the world. Anyway, not that Sita herself is a female protagnist, I did have a rankling about the female shadow puppet which was actually Sita making a lot of mistakes explaining the story in the beginning but later on the female shadow puppet which was Sita becomes the better narrator than the Hanuman or Rama shadow puppet. Not to degrade the Hindu religion, I did a whole course with Prof. Walker to know that!!! As the avatara of Lakshmi, Sita was on earth to show diligence and uber-patience and good. Even though it might seem sexist but the three female goddesses are complementary to the three male gods. They are one and the same together.

Yes, it did break my heart when Sita gets swallowed by BumiDhevi. BUT, she was free from being in love with Rama at last. Interspersed with the storyline was the life of the artist, Nina Paley and how she broke up with her boyfriend. We can all relate to being dumped - honestly it seems that ALL women are dumped, they play the cards not us. Rarely do women get to play the cards and win - and dump them. They might say oh, yeah that's what you want, but the truth is? Anyway, my kids all three of them sat down quietly to watch it from beginning to end, then dragged the movie thing at the bottom of WMPlayer and watched it again. An adult movie that appeals to a 5 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old? Must watch. Like Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke. By the way, my kids watched five minutes of Transformers 2 and walked away. I agree - dumb movie, even a 2 year old can identify that.

The other thing that I watched was DOUBT
and I didn't know that it was a play before this. Amazing superb performance, I especially liked the climax during the conversation between the boy's mother and Sister Aloysius. It's one of those movies that keeps you guessing what? Like The Banquet - what?

I thought I had to...

I thought this was a nice comparison...

Dear Caster Semenya

Even if this post never reaches you, which I doubt will, I would like to share a story. Once upon a time, a child was born, as intersexed as you, in a country called Malaysia. She was registered as a boy and her name was Zulkifli Ahmad. In a world where homophobia and xenophobia exists, she became a beacon of hope. She, like you, too identified herself as a woman.

A lot of stupid, heartless people liked to make fun of her, they liked to hurt her, but she did not care and she went on to make a lot of films that showed the problems in which the Malaysian society faced. Recently, she had passed away, leaving a large spot for people to fill in, which is almost impossible. Not a lot of people understood her vision and yet she became one of the most celebrated icons of her time, and her name was Yasmin Ahmad.

So you don't NEED to feel inadequate for who you are. What you need to do is raise your feet to this hostile world and give them a BIG FAT FUCK YOU.

Love,

Liyana T

Abandoned

An abandoned baby was found - at least, alive . Not that I'm surprised. Most likely in this case it's an underaged mother afraid of persecution, or was raped, etc. etc. Unfortunately, cases of baby abandonment is even more rampant in highly patriarchal/conservative communities. In this case, the Middle East (all Abrahamic faiths), Greek islands, Russia, heck, anywhere where patriarchy can be found. In Brunei too, in a year there are about two or three abandoned infants. What I don't get is this, why in the world would it be better to kill an innocent infant in comparison to what other people say? Why do YOU think that being criticized by other people who do not care nor feed nor wish you well is important? Is it some sort of sociological conditioning component? An instilled fear of others' judgements? Sigh.

3 a.m.

sitting here made me realize something. My husband's family are working class people, most of which actually work as infantrymen in the army. Last year when my senior class graduated, some of my friends (I'm proud to say WOMEN and men) joined the army and automatically became lieutenants, this was in lieu (pardon the pun) with the fact that they owned bachelor degrees. Hearing them talk I also realized that they would not be the ones who wold be battling in the fields. They would be, if there was war, within closed quarters under air-conditioning, as consultants as to how best they could win the war. They would not be involved in the trenches, dying. They are considered the 'educated few' whose values and resources are much prized over other people'. But knowing this bothers me. I look at these infantry men, they work hard, they suffer more. Stories supplanted to me by my friends who quit the military showcase that they as leaders were forced to instill discipline and in the course of doing so, break their own souls. They quit because they did not have the heart nor the soul to punish people over something trivial all in the name of discipline. They are people, whose worth I'm sorry to say if it upsets the middle and upper class, equally as worth in life, in death. And yet from the evidence we know this not to be true. The middle and upper echelons will always be protected. Their lives more cushioned and satisfactory, than those below. Their knowledge, albeit fucked up as it were is considered as gold.

There is something wrong with all of us.