Thursday, December 4, 2008

My exams are over but my thesis is not and atheists versus fanatics

So, I panicked a few weeks ago when I found out I had an F once because I decided to drop logic and thinking (why do you need to prove arguments using maths again?), and my lecturer told me that it could affect my honours. Hah! It doesn't thank God. Why does it matter? You know, like in the words of that guy Robert T. Kiyosaki, your accountant won't look at your school grades, bla3, but I think it takes a certain amount of gumption, tirelessness and hardwork to make a good business work.
Aside from that, I want to talk about my thesis, this will be my first time conducting fieldwork among the Kedayans of Bukit Panggal. Scared? Shit hell I am. I never realized to be the bottom of things and collecting all this data would hurt. Your effing nervous, you meet new people and you need to turn on your charms. This is what I realized, if all of those people who are gathering all this data that I have been using for my research all this time and to supplement my arguments in this blog and I think, well, that is difficult, and how do you do that? I've been reading and re-reading about the Penan till my eyes hurt (its just a part of my essay work), and honestly, if I was to live in the frickin jungle interior for a year or two I'd go mad, or maybe not if there was a hot guy involved (trust me, when it comes to the basic drive, anything will work, and I will work harder mind you, I got straight As when I was a kid because I liked this guy in my class so I went to school often). So that jumps me down to Malinowski and his psychological functionalism, I cannot help but think that he is smarter than Radcliffe-Brown, his contemporary and rival. Why? As much as it hurts to admit this, everyone is fricking selfish, everyone will sacrifice their needs only if that sacrifice will bring some sort of benefit in the end. People are good because they believe there's a heaven, they know they will be rewarded, if people didn't believe in heaven, and I hope some atheist could supplant me with this because I need to know some data, would anyone bother to be kind? And I'm not even talking about the run of the mill atheist with good morals, because that shows that they believe in 'something' be that it may metaphysical or abstract. I'm talking about hard core atheists who believe in nothing, not even one fucking iota, but I suppose and ironically also, :) corresponds directly to extreme religious fanatics, doesn't it? I'm showing you my thought process, people are not kind because they believe in something, people are not kind because they don't believe in anything (most often these people are just mean to themselves if I'm not mistaken...) . Well go figure, we're back on square one. The point being, society is made up of individuals who want to reach their goals, or desires, I'm not even going to say basic needs, but I do suppose that the dance of sex and life is as old as time itself. Something, the woman who is badly treated by her partner wants something in the end, Revenge? I'm trying to prove my hypothesis here...there must be something she wants and this cannot be said to be a basic desire. I mean I know some dumb frick psychologists of the ancient whatnots have claimed women to be masochistic and sadistic. Survival? Wtf? Society and its trappings? The truth is also, I have to add another dimension here, an abused woman won't be able to think outside of the box as to why she's not leaving an abusive partner, she just allows it to happen. Hmm, interesting, I'll get back to you people when I have the answer. Oh btw, one guy once told me, there's no answer to anything, that everything is just IS, well that is one dumb motherfucker I can tell you that. And please3, read Reza Aslan's No God But God, it's pretty good aside from all the dumb Islamic publications that I have read that are too sexist, too racist, too prejudiced.

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